Is It Too Late to Find Love After Divorce at 40 or 50?

If you're wondering whether it's too late to find love after divorce, I want you to hear this from someone who has been there: it's not. I was divorced at 35 with three little kids, and I met my husband on Hinge at 44. Last weekend, at 50, I finally did something I went to school for 28 years ago. Love works on the same timeline. Late is a story we tell ourselves.

I got the degree in 1998. I got the TV segment at 50.

In May 1998 I walked across the stage at Indiana University with a degree in broadcast journalism. This November, at 50 years old, I sat under the lights for a live TV segment on Good Day Sacramento for the very first time. TWENTY-EIGHT YEARS!

In between, life happened. I got married at 23, had three babies and became a full-time mom. The TV dream went in a drawer.

Then at 35 my husband left me for another woman. Suddenly I had three little kids, no career and a whole life to rebuild across the country. Live TV was not on the list. Getting through Tuesday was on the list.

When they clipped the mic on me, I wasn't thinking "FINALLY!" I was thinking, "Amanda, you are way too old to be this nervous." Then the red light came on and I did it anyway. On the drive home it hit me that I almost did the exact same thing with love.

Why so many women put love on a shelf after divorce

Most of the women I coach haven't given up on love. They've put it on a shelf. "Someday, when the kids are older. When work calms down. When I'm more healed."

I totally get it, the shelf feels safe. Nobody can hurt you up there. But I remember wrapping Christmas presents alone at midnight, and I can tell you that shelf gets lonely fast. Waiting until you feel 100% ready doesn't protect you. It just keeps you alone longer.

How to start dating again after divorce at 40 or 50

I don't know about you, but here's what got me to take love off the shelf:

• I stopped saying "someday." Someday doesn't go on a calendar. A date does.
• I said it out loud. I told a friend I wanted to get married again, and it stopped being a secret wish and became a goal.
• I let myself pick wrong first. And I picked wrong A LOT. All chemistry, no follow-through. Failure is not a tattoo, it's just a bruise.
• I listened when my therapist said to give "the boring guy" a chance. Three weeks later I met Sean on Hinge. I was 44, and that "boring guy" is now my husband.

Common questions about dating after divorce

Is 40 or 50 too old to find love again?
No. I met my husband at 44. Men in their 40s and 50s often want an equal partner their own age, someone who is done raising kids and ready for travel, fun and a real partnership.

Do I have to be fully healed before I date again?
Nobody mails you a certificate. Healing happens on the way to love, not before it. If you're still deep in grief, start there, and when you're tired of waiting, start dating with a plan.

Are dating apps worth it after 40?
Yes, if you use them well. Apps are the most efficient route for busy, ambitious women, and they're where I met Sean. The biggest mistake I see is lazy photos, so use current, well-lit pictures.

How fast should I know if he's the one?
With real vetting, you can know in 5 dates, not 5 months.

Ready to take love off the shelf?

You're not late. You're right on time.

If you're ready to start dating again, start with your profile. Grab my free Dating Profile Cheat Sheet and get yours live, and working for you, by Friday.

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Now go run the play!
Love, ac